take ur pick

by Nicole Delcore

1:21am. “i keep feeling grateful when i’m far away from knives[.]” is this true? 5:01am, shaking

in a bathroom stall. thought about holding a lighter to my skin. thought about what it might feel

like to slice myself with a knife not by accident. thought about min on her roof with the matches.

thought about jude st. francis. thought about the phrase “adam’s seeping wrists.” read the red

wheelbarrow, for some reason. feel very indebted to my fear of death. everything is a vicious

cycle. “the water cycle consists of three phenomena — evaporation, precipitations, and collec-

tion — which are the three phenomena that make up what is known as ‘the water cycle.’” nothing

ever goes away. i am going to feel like this for the rest of my life. i am hoping against hope that i

read this in 5 years and it turns out that i was wrong, nineteen and wrong about all of it.